against moustaches

This is going to be a fairly short post. Let me begin by saying that I may have been raised by a man who had a moustache, that I may have had a falling out with that man at some point in my life, that maybe I have some issues with men who wear moustaches, or maybe I was born in a time where moustaches were acceptable and have rejected most things that I once accepted as concrete facts of life. Nevertheless, moustaches need to get the fuck out. I can't give you any detailed analysis, and I have only one data set, but it's a data set consisting only of awesomeness. Here we go:





This is a picture of Joseph Stalin. If you think of Stalin at all (and if you haven't, maybe you should), this is how you think of him. Old dude, moustache. Okay; great. Here's one more pic for you, just in case you need a better frame of reference:

















Again: old guy, moustache. Yeah, I know. He's old and Russian, and according to the old Russian dude handbook, he has to have a moustache. Well, let's check out another pic, shall we?
















Now he's a young Russian dude! What's up now? Still not looking so great, but instead of hiding behind that "distinguished old Communist dictator" look, he's going for the "member of Pancho Villa's gang" look. Not very becoming.













But behold:





The hottest future dictator on earth, hands down. The smaller the stash gets, the hotter he gets.















Is this not enough for you? Let's examine exhibit B, shall we?






This is Nadezhda Sergeyevna Alliluyeva, Stalin's second wife. She looks like she's probably a nice lady. Probably a great companion, maybe invites the neighbor's kids over for pudding, or maybe some kisel. Or gagh (is that Russian or Klingon? I always get them confused).










This is Ekaterina Svanidze, Stalin's first wife. Go back and look at his second wife. Okay, now come back down. His first wife is very clearly way hotter than his second wife. Please keep in mind that I pass no judgment on either marriage, and I'm saying nothing about them as people. But, come on! Ekaterina looks like Hope Sandoval stopped shooting heroin long enough to achieve a healthy weight. This is the only photo I can find of her; they used a heavy duty, state-of-the-art camera that was resistant to high temperatures BECAUSE ALL OTHER ATTEMPTS TO PHOTOGRAPH HER RESULTED IN MELTED CAMERAS! Stalin's ability to get a crazy attractive wife diminished severely when he grew that damn moustache.

In summary: shave it off, jackass hipster!




p.s. - for a decidedly pro-moustache viewpoint (and more stalin pics) go here.